Don't just stand there, Freddy, go and find a cab.
Alright, I'll get one, I'll get one.
Look where you're going, dear, look where you're going.
I'm so sorry.
Two bunches of violets trod in the mud.
A full day's wages.
Freddy! Freddy, go and find a cab!
Yes, Mother.
Oh, he's your son, is he? Well if you'd done your duty
By him as a mother should, you wouldn't let him
Spoil a poor girl's flowers and then run away without paying.
You go about your business, my girl.
And you wouldn't go off without paying either.
Two bunches of violets trod in the mud...
Jove! Good heavens!
Oh, sir, is there any sign of it stopping?
I'm afraid not, it's worse than before.
Oh dear.
If it's worse it's a sign it's nearly over.
Cheer up, Captain. Buy a flower off a poor girl?
I'm sorry, I haven't any change.
Oh, I can change half a crown. Here, take this for tuppence.
I told you, I'm awfully sorry I haven't...
Oh wait a minute...
Oh yes, here's three hapence if that's enough for you.
Thank you, sir.
Here, you be careful and better give him a flower for it.
There's a bloke here behind that pillar
Taking down ev'ry blessed word you're saying.
Aw, ain't there nothing wrong about speaking to the gentleman.
I've a right to sell flowers if I'll keep off the curb.
I'm a respectable girl, so help me! I never spoke to him
Except to offer him to buy a flower off me.
What's all the blooming noise?
It's a 'tec taking her down.
I'm making an honest living.
Aw, sir, don't let him charge me... don't know what it means to me.
They'll take away me character and drive me on the streets...
For speaking to gentleman!
There, there, there, there! Who's hurting you, you silly girl?
What do you take me for?
On my Bible oath, I never spoke a word.
Shut up, shut up. Do I look like a policeman?
Then why'd you take down me words fer? How do I know
You took me down right. You just show me what you wrote about me.
Oh... what's all that ain't proper writing and I can't read it.
I can. "I say, Captain, now buy ya a flower off a poor girl".
Oh, it's 'cause I called him Captain. I meant no harm.
Oh, sir, don't let him lie a charge against me...
What, I'll make no charge. Really, sir, if you are a detective
you needn't begin protecting me against molestation
From young women until I ask you.
Anyone can tell the girl meant no harm.
He ain't no 'tec, he's a gentleman. Look at his boots.
How are all your people down at Selsey?
Who told you my people come from Selsey?
Never mind, they do.
How do you come to be up so far East?
You were born in Lisson Grove.
Oh, this is for my leaving Lisson Grove.
It weren't fit for a pig to live in
And I had to pay four and six a week...
Live where you like, but stop that noise.
Calm down, he can't touch you.
You've a right to live where you please.
I'm a good girl.
Yes you are.
Where do I come from?
Hexton.
Well who said I didn't? Blimey, you know everything, you do.
Sir, do you think you could find me a taxi?
I don't know if you noticed it, Madame, but it stopped raining.
You can get a motorbus to Hampton Court.
Well that's where you live, isn't it?
What impertinance!
Here, tell him where he comes from
If you want to go fortune-telling.
Cheltenham, Harrow, Cambridge and India?
Quite right!
Blimey, ain't it? Tecky's a bloomin' busybody.
Allow me to ask you. Do you do this sort of thing
For a living at a music hall?
Well, I have thought of it. Perhaps I will one day.
He's no gentleman, he ain't, interfering with a poor girl.
How do you do it, may I ask?
Simple phonetics, the science of speech.
That's my profession, also my hobby.
Anyone can spot an Irishman or a Yorkshireman
By his brogue, but I can place a man within six miles.
I can place him within two miles in London,
sometimes within two streets.
He ought to be ashamed of himself, unmanly coward.
Is there a living in that?
Oh yes, quite fair.
Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl...
Woman! Cease this detestable boohooing instantly
Or else seek shelter at some other place of worship.
I've a right to be here if I like, same as you.
One who utters such disgusting and depressing noise
Has no right to be anywhere, no right to live.
Remember that you're a human being with a soul
And the divine gift of articulate speech.
It's your native language, it's the language of Shakespeare
And Milton and the Bible.
Don't sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.
Aooow!
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
Condemned by ev'ry syllable she utters
By right she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Aoow!
Aoow! Heavens, what a sound
This is what the British population calls an elementary education
Come, sir, I think you picked a poor example.
Did I?
Hear them down in Soho Square dropping H's everywhere
Speaking English any way they like
You, sir, did you go to school?
Whad-ya tike me fer, a fool?
No one taught him "take" instead of "tike"
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Garn! Garn!
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's Aoow and Garn that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do
Why you might be selling flowers, too
I beg your pardon!
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There are even places where English completely disappears
Why, in America they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks are taught their Greek
In France ev'ry Frenchman knows his language from "A" to "Zed"
The French don't care what they do, actually, as long as they
Pronounce it properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
The Hebrews learn it backwards
Which is absolutely fright'ning
But use proper English, you're regarded as a freak
Oh, why can't the English
Why can't the English
Learn to speak?
Thank you. You see this creature with her curbstone English,
The English that will keep her in the gutter
'til the end of her days?
Well, sir, in six months I could pass her off
As a duchess at an embassy ball.
I could even get her a job as a lady's maid
Or a shop assistant which requires better English.
Eh, what's that you say?
Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf,
You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns,
You incarnate insult to the English language,
I could pass you off as the Queen of Sheba.
Aoow, you don't believe that, Captain?
Anything's possible. I myself am a student of Indian dialect.
Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering,
The author of "Spoken Sanskrit"?
I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?
I'm Henry Higgins, author of "Higgin's Universal Alphabet".
I came from India to meet you.
I was going to India to meet you.
Higgins. Pickering.
Higgins. Where are you staying?
At the Carleton.
No you're not. You're staying at 27 A Wimpole Street.
You come along with me. We'll have a jaw over supper.
Indian dialects have always fascinated me.
Buy a flower, kind sir, I'm short for me lodging.
Liar, you said you could change half a crown.
You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought.
Here, take the whole blooming basket for six pence.
A reminder.
How many are there actually? How many what?
Indian dialects.
No fewer than 147 languages are recorded...
Aoow!
Be sure to be standing, gentlemen,
We've got a blooming heiress in our midst.
Would you be looking for a good butler, Eliza?
Well you won't do.
It's rather dull in town
I think I'll take me to Paree Mmmm...
The missus wants to open up the castle in Capri Mmmm...
Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea
Wouldn't it be loverly?
Where are you bound for this year, Liza dearest?
All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of choc'late for me to eat
Lots of coal makin' lots of heat
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin-uitly still
I would never budge 'til spring crept over me windowsill
Someone's head restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly, loverly,
Loverly, loverly
All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of choc'late for me to eat
Lots of coal makin' lots of heat
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh so loverly sittin' abso-bloomin-uitly still
I would never budge 'til spring crept over me windowsill
Someone's head restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as she can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly loverly loverly
Oh wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly loverly loverly
Wouldn't it be loverly?
Come on, Alfie, let's go home now.
This place is giving me the willies.
Home? What do you want to go home for? Only five o'clock;
My daughter Eliza will be along soon.
She ought to be good for half a crown
For her father what loves her.
Loves her? That's a laugh. You ain't been near her for months.
What's that got to do with it? What's half a crown after all
I've give up.
When did you ever give her anything?
Anything? I give her everything. I give her the greatest gift
Any human being can give to another life.
I introduced her to this here planet,
I did, with all its wonders and marvels:
The suns that shines, the moon that glows,
Hyde Park to walk through on a fine spring night.
The whole of London city to roam around
In selling her bloomin' flowers. I give her all that.
Then I disappears and leave her on her own to enjoy it.
Now if that ain't worth half a crown now and again,
I'll take my belt off and her a whoop for it.
You got a good heart, Alfie,
But if you want that half a crown out of Eliza,
You'd better have a good story to go with it.
Leave that to me, my boy.
Good morning, George.
Not a brass farthing.
Good morning, dear Algenon.
No brass farthing.
There she is.
Why, Eliza, what a surprise!
Hop along, Charlie, you're too old for me.
That's not your daughter, Alfred.
How are you going to find her
If you don't know what she looks like?
I know her, I know her. Come on, I'll find her.
Eliza, what a surprise.
Not a brass farthing.
I hear you, come here, Eliza.
I'm not going to take me hard earned wages
And let you pass them on to a bloody pubkeeper.
Eliza, you wouldn't have the heart to send me home
To your stepmother without a drop of liquid protection,
Now would ya?
Stepmother, indeed!
Well, I'm willing to marry her. It's me that suffers by it;
I'm a slave to that woman, Eliza.
Just because I ain't her lawful husband.
Oh come on, slip your old dad just half a crown to go home on.
Well I had a bit of luck myself last night.
Yeah?
So here.
But don't keep coming around counting on half crowns from me.
Thank you, Eliza. You're a noble daughter.
Beer, beer, glorious beer. Fill yourself right up.
You see this creature with her curbstone English,
the English that will keep her in the gutter
'til the end of her days.
Well, sir, in six months I could pass her off
As a duchess at an embassy ball.
I could even get her a job as a lady's maid
Or a shop assistant which requires better English.
You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns...
I could even get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant
Which requires better English.
Aaaay Yuuuu Aaaay
Now, how many vowel sounds do you think you've heard altogether?
I believe I counted 24.
Wrong by a 100. What?
To be exact, you heard 130. Now, listen to them one at a time.
Must I? I'm really quite done up for one morning.
Your name, please. Your name, Miss.
My name is of no concern to you whatsoever.
One moment, please.
London is getting so dirty these days.
I'm Mrs. Pearce, the housekeeper. Can I help you?
Oh good morning, missus. I'd like to see the professor, please.
Could you tell me what it's about?
It's business of a personal nature.
Oh, one moment please.
Mr. Higgins.
What is it, Mrs. Pearce?
There's a young woman who wants to see you, sir.
Young woman? What does she want?
She's quite a common girl, sir. Very common indeed.
I should have sent her away only I thought perhaps
You wanted her to talk into your machine.
Has she an interesting accent?
Simply ghastly, Mr. Higgins.
Good! Let's have her in. Show her in, Mrs. Pearce.
Very well, sir, it's for you to say.
This is rather a bit of luck. I'll show you how I make records.
We'll set her talking and then I'll take her down first
In Bell's Visible Speech, then in broad Romic.
Then we'll get her on the phonograph so that you can turn her on
Whenever you want a written transcript before you.
This is the young woman, sir.
Good morning, my good man.
Might I have the pleasure of a word with you?
Oh no, no, no, no. This is the girl I jotted down last night.
She's no use. I've got all the records
I want of the Lissen Grove lingo.
I'm not going to waste another cylinder on that.
Be off with you. I don't want you.
Don't be so saucy. You ain't heard what I come for yet.
Did you tell him I come in a taxi?
Nonsense, girl. What do you think a gentleman
like Mr. Higgins cares what you came in?
Aw, we are proud. Well he ain't above giving lessons, not him.
I heard him say so. Well I ain't come here to ask for
Any compliment and if my money is not good enough
I can go elsewhere.
Good enough for what?
Good enough for you. Now you know, don't ya? I've come to have
lessons, I am. And to pay for them, too, make no mistake.
Well, and what do you expect me to say?
Well if you was a gentleman you might ask me to sit down, I think.
Don't I tell you I'm bringing you business?
Pickering, should we ask this baggage to sit down or should
We just throw her out of the window?
Aaahw! I won't be called a baggage
Not when I've offered to pay like any lady.
What do you want, my dear?
I want to be a lady in a flower shop
Instead of sitting at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.
But they won't take me unless I can talk more genteel.
And he said he could teach me: well here I am.
Ready to pay: I'm not asking any favor
And he treats me as if I was dirt.
I know what lessons cost as well as you do and I'm ready to pay.
How much?
Now you're talking. I thought you'd come off it
When you saw a chance of getting back a bit
Of what you chucked at me last night.
You'd had a drop in, hadn't you, eh?
Sit down.
Oh, is he going to make a compliment of it?
Sit down.
Sit down, girl. Do as you're told.
Aoow.
What's your name?
Eliza Doolittle.
Will you sit down, Miss Doolittle?
Oh, I don't mind if I do.
How much do you propose to pay me for these lessons?
Oh I know what's right. A lady friend of mine gets French lessons
For eighteen pence an hour from a real French gentleman.
Well you wouldn't have the face to ask me the same for
Teaching me my own language as you would for French
So I won't give more than a shilling.
Take it or leave it.
You know, Pickering, if you think of a shilling
not as a simple shilling but as a percentage
Of this girl's income,
It works out as fully equivalent of 60 or 70 pounds
From A millionare.
By George, it's enormous, it's the biggest offer
I've ever had.
Sixty pounds! What are you talking about?
Where would I get sixty pounds?
I never offered you sixty pounds. Hold your tongue!
But I ain't got sixty pounds.
Don't cry, you silly girl. Sit down.
Nobody's going to touch your money.
Somebody's going to touch you with a broomstick
If you don't stop sniveling. Sit down!
Aoow, anybody'd think you was my father!
If I decide to teach you, I'll be worse than two fathers to you.
Here.
What's this for?
To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part of your face that feels moist.
And remember that's your handkerchief and that's your sleeve.
And don't confuse the one with the other
If you want to become a lady in a shop.
It's no use to talk to her like that, Mr. Higgins.
She doesn't understand you.
Ere! Give the handkerchief to me.
He give it to me, not to you!
Higgins, I'm interested.
What about your boast that you could pass her off
As a duchess at the Embassy Ball, eh?
I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive
If you can made that good.
I'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment
That you can't do it.
I'll even pay for the lessons.
Aow, you're real good. Thank you, Captain.
It's almost irresistible.
She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty.
I ain't dirty! I washed my face an' hands before I come, I did.
I'll take it. I'll make a duchess
Of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.
We'll start today. Now. This moment.
Take her away, Mrs. Pearce, and clean her.
Sandpaper, if it won't come off any other way.
Is there a good fire in the Kitchen?
Yes. Take all her clothes off and burn them
And ring up and order some new ones.
Just wrap her in brown paper till they come.
You're no gentleman, you're not, to talk o' such things.
I'm a good girl, I am.
And I know what the likes of you are, I do.
We want none of your slum prudery here, young woman.
You've got to learn to behave like a duchess.
Now take'er away Mrs. Pearce,
An'if she gives you any trouble wallop'er.
I'll call the police, I will.
I've got no place to put her.
Well, put her in the dustbin.
Come, Higgins, be reasonable.
You must be reasonable, Mr. Higgins, really you must.
You can't walk over everybody like this.
I? Walk over everybody?
My dear Mrs. Pearce. My dear Pickering.
I had no intention of walking over anybody.
I merely suggested we should be kind to this poor girl.
I didn't express myself clearly
Because I didn't wish to hurt her delicacy or yours.
But, sir, you can't take a girl up like that,
As if you were picking up a pebble on the beach.
Why not?
Why not? But you don't know anything about her.
What about her parents? She may be married.
Garn!
There. As the girl very properly says, garn!
Who'd marry me?
By George, Eliza, the streets will be
Strewn with the bodies of men...
...shooting themseles for your sake before I've done with you.
'Ere, I'm goin".
He's off his chump, he is. I don't want no balmies teachin'me.
Oh, mad am I? All right, Mrs. Pearce,
Don't ring up and order those new clothes. Throw her out.
Stop, Mr. Higgins! I won't allow it.
Go home to your parents, girl.
I ain't got no parents.
There you are. She ain't got no parents.
What's all the fuss about?
Nobody wants her.
She's no use to anybody but me. So take her upstairs!
But what's to become of her? Is she to be paid anything?
Oh, do be sensible, sir.
What would she do with money?
She'll have her food and her clothes.
She'll only drink if you give her money.
Aoow, you are a brute! It's a lie!
Nobody ever saw the sign o' liquor on me.
Oh, sir, you're gentleman.
Don't let him speak to me like that.
Does it occur to you, Higgins, the girl has some feelings?
Oh, no, I don't think so. No feelings we need worry about.
Well, have you, Eliza?
I got me feelings same as anyone else.
Mr. Higgins, I must know on what terms the girl is to be here.
What's to become of her when you're finished your teaching?
You must look ahead a little, sir
What's to become of her if we leave her in the gutter?
Answer me that, Mrs Pearce.
That's her own business, not yours, Mr. Higgins.
Well, when I'm done with her we'll throw her back in the gutter
And then it will be her own business again.
That'll be all right, won't it?
You've no feelin' heart in yuh!
You don't care for nothing but yourself.
Oh, I've had enough of this. I'm going, I am!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself you ought.
Have some chocolates, Eliza.
How do I know what might be in 'em?
I've heard of girls being drugged by the likes o'you.
Pledge of good faith. I'll take one half.
And you take the other.
You'll have boxes of them, barrels of them every day.
You'll live on them eh?
I wouldn't eat it only I'm too ladylike to take it out o'me mouth.
Think of it, Eliza. Think of chocolates, and taxis...
...and gold and diamonds.
Aoow! I don't want no gold and no diamonds.
I'm a good girl, I am.
Higgins, I really must interfere. Mrs. Pearce is quite right.
If this girl's gonna put herself in your hands for six months
For an experiment in teaching,
She must understand thoroughly what she's doing.
Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months
learning how to speak beautifully like a lady in a florist shop.
If you're good and do whatever you're told,
You shall sleep in a proper bedroom.
...have lots to eat and money to buy chocolates,
And take rides in taxis.
But if you are naughty and idle you shall sleep
In the back kitchen amongst the black beetles...
...and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick.
At the end of six months you shall be
Taken to Buckingham Palace... in a carriage, beautifully dressed.
If the king finds out that you are not a lady...
...the police will take you to the Tower of London
Where your head will be cut off as a warning
To other presumptious flower girls.
But if you are not found out you shall have a present of...
Seven and six to start life with a lady in a shop.
If you refuse this offer you will be the most ungrateful,
Wicked girl... and the angels will weep for you!
Now are you satisfied, Pickering?
I don't understand what in the world you are talking about.
Oh, could I put it more plainly or fairly, Mrs. Pearce.
Come with me, Eliza.
That's right, Mrs. Pearce. Bundle her off to the bathroom.
You're a great bully, you are!
I won't stay here if I don't like it.
I won't let nobody wallop me!
Don't answer back, girl.
I didn't know what I was getting myself in
Or I wouldn't have come here.
I've always been a good girl, I am. And I won't be bullied.
In six months - in three if she has a good ear and a quick tongue
I'll take her anywhere and I'll pass her off as anything.
I'll make a queen of that barbarous wretch!
I've never had a bath in me life.
Not what you'd call a proper one.
You know you can't be a nice girl inside if you're dirty outside.
I'll have to put you in here. This will be your bedroom.
Oh, I couldn't sleep in here, missus.
It's too good for the likes o'me.
Oh, I should be afraid to touch anything.
I ain't a duchess yet, you know.
Oh what's this? This where you wash clothes?
This is where we wash ourselves, Eliza.
And where I'm going to wash you.
You expect me to get into that and wet meself all over?
Not me!
I shall catch me death.
Come along now. Come along.
Take your clothes off.
Come on, girl, do as you're told. Take your clothes off.
Here, come on, help me take these...
Aoow! No I won't!
Higgins, forgive the bluntness, but if I'm to be in this business
I shall feel responsible for the girl.
I hope it's clearly understood that
No advantage is to be taken of her position.
What, that thing? Sacred, I assure you.
Come now, Higgins, you know what I mean.
This is no trifling matter.
Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
Have you ever met a man of good character
Where women are concerned?
Yes, very frequently.
Well, I haven't. I find that the moment
I let a woman make friends with me
She becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious and a damn nuisance.
And I find the moment that I make friends with
A woman I become selfish and tyrannical.
So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor and likely to remain so.
Well after all, Pickering...
I'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing more
Than just an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants
An average man am I
Of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life
Free of strife doing whatever he thinks is best for him
Oh, just an ordinary man
But let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She'll redecorate your home from the cellar to the dome
Then go on to the enthralling fun of overhauling you
Let a woman in your life
And you are up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find
She has something else in mind
And so rather than do either
You do something else that neither likes at'all
You want to talk of Keats or Milton
She only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands
I'd be equally as willing for a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a very gentle man
Even tempered and good natured
Who you never hear complain
Who has the milk of human kindness
By the quart in ev'vy vein
A patient man am I down to my fingertips
The sort who never could ever would
Let an insulting remark escape his lips
A very gentle man
But let a woman in your life
And patience hasn't got a chance
She will beg you for advice.
Your reply will be concise
And she'll listen very nicely
Then go out and do precisely what she wants
You were a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush
Let a woman in your life
And yor're plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
I'd prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life
I'm a quiet living man
Who prefers to spend the evening in the silence of his room
Who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscoverd tomb
A pensive man am I of philosophic joys
Who likes to meditate, contemplate
Free from humanity's mad, inhuman noise
A quiet living man
But let a woman in your life
And your sabbatical is through
In a line that never ends
Come an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter
And to tell her what the matter is with you
She'll have a booming, boist'rous family
Who will descent on you enmasse
She'll have a large Wagnerian mother
With a voice that shatters glass
Let a woman in your life
I shall never let a woman in my life
Get out of here. Jamie, you get out, too!
Come on, Doolittle. And remember,
Drinks is to be paid for or not drunk.
Thanks for your hospitality, George.
Send the bill to Buckingham Palace.
Well, Alfie, there's nothing else to do I guess but back to work.
Work! Don't you dare mention that word in my presence again.
Look at all these poor blighters down here.
I used to do that sort of thing once. Just for exercise.
It's not worth it. Takes up your whole day.
Aw, don't worry, boys, we'll get outta this somehow.
How do you think you're going to do that, Alfie?
Same as always. Faith, hope and a little bit o'luck.
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron
So he could do his job and never shirk
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron but
With a little bit o luck With a little bit o'luck
Someone else'll do the blinkin' work
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck
You'll never work
The Lord above made liquor for temptation
To see if man could turn away from sin
The Lord above made liquor for temptation. But...
With a little bit o'luck. With a little bit o'luck
When temptation comes you'll give right in
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck you'll give right in
Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow
But with my little bit luck you'll run amuck
The gentle sex was made for man to marry
To share his nest and see his food is cooked
The gentle sex was made for man to marry, but
With a little bit o'luck. With a little bit o'luck
You can have it all and not get hooked
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck. You won't get hooked
With a little bit
With a little bit o'bloomin luck
They're always throwing goodness at you
But with a little bit o'luck a man can duck
The Lord above made man to belp his neighbor
No matter where, on land, or sea, or foam
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor, but
With a little bit o'luck. With a little bit o'luck
When he come around you won't be home
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of luck you won't be home
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
You'd made a good suffragette, Alfie.
Why, there's the lucky man now. The honorable Alfie Doolittle.
What are you doing in Eliza's house?
Her former residence. Hah! You can buy your own drinks now, Alfie
Doolittle. Fallen into a tub of butter, you have.
What are you talking about?
Your daughter Eliza. Ah, you're a lucky man, Alfie Doolittle.
Well, what about Eliza?
He don't know. Her own father an' he don't know.
Moved in with a swell, Eliza has.
Left here in a taxi all by herself, smart as paint.
And ain't been home for three days.
Go on.
And this mornin'I gets a message from 'er.
She wants her things sent over.
To twenty-seven A Wimpole Street, care of Professor Higgins.
And what things does she want?
Her birdcage and her Chinese fan.
But she says...
"Never mind about sending any clothes."
I knew she had a career in front of her.
Laddie boys, we're in for a booze-up.
The sun is shining on Alfred P. Doolittle.
A man was made to help support his children
Which is the right and proper thing to do
A man was made to help support his children, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
They'll go out and start supporting you
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of luck they'll work for you
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
Oh, it's a crime for a man to go philandering
And fill his wife's poor heart with grief and doubt
Oh, it's a crime for man to go philandering but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
You can see the bloodhounds don't find out
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of luck she won't find out
With a little bit With a little bit
With a little bit of bloomin' luck
The mail, sir.
Pay the bills and say no to the invitations.
Mr. Higgins, you simply cannot go on working the girl this way.
Making her say her alphabet over and over.
From sun-up to sundown, even during meals.
You'll exhaust yourself.
When will it stop?
When she does it properly, of course. Is that all, Mrs. Pearce?
There's another letter from that American millionaire,
Ezra D. Wallingford.
He still wants you to lecture for his Moral Reform league.
Yes, well throw it away.
Oh, it's the third letter he's written you, sir.
You should at least answer it.
All right, leave it on the desk, Mrs. Pearce.
I'll try and get to it.
If you please, sir, there's a dustman downstairs,
Alfred P. Doolittle... ...who wants to see you.
He says you have his daughter here.
Phew! I say!
Well, send the blackguard up.
He may not be a blackguard, Higgins.
Oh, nonsense. Of course he's a blackguard, Pickering.
Whether he is or not, I'm afraid we'll have some trouble with him.
No, I think not. Any trouble to be had, he'll have it with me.
Not I with him.
Doolittle, sir.
Professor Higgins...
Here!
Where? Oh, good morning, Governor.
I come about a very serious matter, Governor.
Brought up in Houndslow.
Mother Welsh, I should think.
What is it you want, Doolittle?
I want my daughter, that's what I want. See?
Well, of course you do. You're her father, aren't you?
I'm glad to see you have a spark of family feeling left.
She's in there. Yes, take her away at once.
What?
Take her away. Do you think I'm going to
Keep your daughter for you?
Aw, now is this reasonable, Governor?
Is it fairity to take advantage of a man like that?
The girl belongs to me. You got 'er. Where do I come in?
How dare you come here and attempt to blackmail me!
You sent her here on purpose!
Ah, don't take a man up like that, Governor.
Oh, the police shall take you up. This is a plant,
A plot to extort money by threats.
I shall telephone the police.
Have I asked you for a brass farthing?
I leave it to this gentlemean 'ere.
Have I said a word about money?
Well, what else did you come for?
What would a bloke come for? Be 'uman, Governor.
Alfred, you sent her here on purpose.
So help me, Governor, I never did.
Then how did you know she was here?
I'd tell you, Governor, if you'd only let me get a word in.
I'm willing to tell yuh. I'm wanting to tell yuh.
I'm waiting to tell yuh.
You know, Pickering,
This chap's got a certain natural gift of rhetoric.
Observe the rhythm of his native woodnotes wild.
"I'm willing to tell you.
I'm wanting to tell you. I'm waiting to tell you."
That's the Welsh strain in him.
How did you know Eliza was here if you didn't send her?
Well, she sent back for her luggage and I got to 'ear about it.
She said she didn't want no clothes.
What was I to think from that, Governor?
I ask you, as a parent, what was I to think?
So you came here to rescue her from worse than death, eh?
Just so, Governor, that's right.
Yes. Mrs. Pearce! Mrs. Pearce,
Eliza's father has come to take her away.
Give her to him, will you.
Now wait a minute, Governor, wait a minute.
You and me is men o' the world, ain't we?
Oh, men of the world, are we? Yes, you'd better go, Mrs. Pearce.
I think so indeed, sir!
Here, Governor, I've took a sort of fancy to you.
And if you want the girl, well, I ain't so set on 'avin 'er back
Home again but what I might be open to is...
...an arrangement. All I ask is my rights as a father.
You are the last man alive to expect me to let her go for nothing.
Oh, I can see you're, you're one o' the straight sort, Governor.
So what's a five pound note to you? An' what's Eliza to me?
I think you ought to know, Doolittle,
That Mr. Higgins' intentions are entirely honorable.
Of course they are, Governor.
If I thought they wasn't I'd ask fifty.
Do you mean to say you'd sell your daughter for fifty pounds?
Have you no morals, man?
No, I can't afford 'em, Governor.
Neither could you if you was as poor as me.
Not that I mean any 'arm, mind yuh, but...
...if Eliza is gonna have a bit out o' this, why not me, too, eh?
Why not? Well, look...
...look at it my way. What am I?
I ask yuh, what am I?
I'm one o' the undeserving poor, that's what I am.
Now think what that means to a man.
It means he's up against middle-class morality for all the time.
If there's anything going an' I puts in for a bit of it,
It's always the same story.
"You're undeserving, so you can't have it."
But my needs is as great as the most deserving widow
As ever got money...
Out of six different charities in one week
For the death of the same husband. Heh.
I don't need less than a deserving man, I need more.
I'm playin' straight with you.
I ain't pretendin' to be deserving. No, I'm undeserving
And I mean to go on bein' undeserving.
I like it an' that's the truth.
But will you take advantage of a man's nature
To do him out of the price of his own daughter
What he's brought up, fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow
'Til she's growed big enough
To be interesting to you two gentlemen?
Well, is five pounds unreasonable, I put it to you?
And I leave it to you.
You know, Pickering, if we took that man in hand for three months
He could choose between a seat in the cabinet
And a popular pulpit in Wales.
I'd better give him a fiver.
He'll make bad use of it, I'm afraid.
Oh, not me, Governor, so 'elp me I won't.
Just one good spree for myself an' the missus,
Givin' pleasure to ourselves and employment to others.
An' satisfaction to you to know it ain't been throwed away.
You couldn't spend it better.
Oh, this is irresistible. Let's give him ten.
No! The missus wouldn't have the heart to spend ten, Governor.
Ten pounds is a lot o' money.
Makes a man feel prudent-like, and then goodbye to happiness.
No, you just give me what I ask, Governor.
Not a penny less, not a penny more.
I rather draw the line at encouraging this sort
Of immorality, Doolittle.
Why don't you marry that missus of yours, eh?
After all, marriage isn't so frightning.
You married Eliza's mother.
Who told you that, Governor?
Well, nobody told me. I concluded, naturally.
If we listen to this man for another minute
We shall have no convictions left. Five pounds I think you said.
Thank yuh, Governor, thank yuh.
Are you sure you won't have ten?
No. Naw, perhaps another time.
I won't, I won't, I won't...
I beg your pardon, miss.
I won't say those ruddy vowels one more time.
Blimey, it's Eliza!
Well, I never thought she'd clean up so good-looking.
She does me credit, doesn't she, Governor?
Here! What are you doin' here?
Now, now, you hold your tongue and don't you give these gentlemen
None o'your lip.
If you have any trouble with 'er, Governor,
Give 'er a few licks o' the strap.
That's the way to improve her mind. Heh.
Well, good morning, gentlemen. Cheerio, Eliza.
There's a man for you, a philosophical genius of the first water.
Mrs. Pearce, write to Mr. Ezra Wallingford
And tell him if he wants a lecturer to get
In touch with Mr. Alfred P. Doolittle,
A common dustman, one o' the most original moralists in England.
Yes, sir.
'Ere, what did he come for?
Say your vowels.
I know me vowels. I knew 'em before I come.
Well, if you know them, say them.
Ahyee, E, lyee, Ow, Eeyoo!
Stop! A, E, I, O, U.
That's what I said. Ahyee, E, lyee, Ow, Eeyoo.
That's what I been sayin' for three days
An' I won't say 'em no more.
I know it's difficult, Miss Doolittle, but try to understand.
There's no use explaining, Pickering. As a military man
You ought to know that.
Drilling is what she needs. Now you leave her alone or she'll be
Turning to you for sympathy.
Very well, if you insist,
But have a little patience with her, Higgins.
Of course. Say "A"!
You ain't got no 'eart, you ain't.
A!
Ahyee!
Eliza, I promise you you'll say your vowels correctly
Before this day is out or there'll be no lunch, no dinner,
And no chocolates.
Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins, just you wait.
You'll be sorry, but your tears will be too late.
You'll be broke. And I'll have money.
Will I help you? Don't be funny.
Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins, just you wait.
Just you wait, 'Enry 'lggins, 'til you're sick.
And you screams to fetch a doctor double-quick.
I'll be off a second later and go straight to the theatre.
Ho ho ho, 'Enry 'lggins, just you wait!
Oh, 'Enry 'lggins!
Just you wait until we're swimmin' in the sea.
Ooh, 'Enry 'lggins!
And you get a cramp a little way from me.
When you yell you're gonna drown I'll get dressd and go to town.
Ho ho ho, 'Enry 'lggins, ho ho ho, 'Enry 'lggins.
Just you wait!
One day I'll be famous I'll be proper and prim.
Go to St. James so often I will call it St. Jim.
One evening the King will say 'Oh, Liza, old thing'.'
'I want all of England your praises to sing'.
"Next week on the twentieth of May."
"I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day."
"All the people will celebrate the glory of you."
"And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do."
"Thanks a lot, King", says I in a manner well-bred.
"But all I want is 'Enry 'lggins 'ead".
"Done!" Says the King with a stroke.
"Guard, run and bring in the bloke."
Then they'll march you, 'Enry 'lggins to the wall.
And the King will tell me.
Liza, sound the call".
As they raise their rifles higher,
I'll shout, "Ready, aim, fire!"
Ho ho ho, 'Enry 'lggins. Then you'll go, 'Enry 'lggins!
Just you wait!
A.
Ahyee
Ahyee,
Ahyee.
Alright, Eliza, say it again.
The rine in Spine stais minely in the pline.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Didn't I say that?
No, Eliza, you didn't say that. You didn't ever say that.
Every night before you get into bed, where you used to say
Your prayers, I want you to say,
"The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." Fifty times.
You'll get much further with the Lord
If you learn not to offend His ears.
Now for your h's.
Pickering, this is going to be ghastly.
Control yourself, Higgins. Give the girl a chance.
Well I suppose you can't expect her
To get it right the first time.
Come here, Eliza, and watch closely.
Now you see that flame?
Every time you pronounce the letter H
Correctly the flame will waver.
And every time you drop your H
The flame will remain stationary.
That's how you'll know if you've done it correctly.
In time your ear will hear the difference.
You will see it best in the mirror. Now listen carefully.
In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire
Hurricanes hardly ever happen.
Now you repeat that after me.
In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire hurricanes hardly ever happen.
In 'Ertford, 'Ereford, and "Ampshire
'Urricanes 'ardly ever 'appen.
Oh, no, no, no! Have you no ear at all?
Should I do it over?
No, please. Start from the very beginning.
Just do this. Go, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Go on, go on, go on.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Does the same thing hold true in India, Pickering?
Have they the peculiar habit of not only dropping a letter
Like the letter H but using it where it doesn't belong.
Like hever instead of ever?
Or the Slavs when they learn English have a tendency
To do it with their g's.
They say "linner" instead of "linger"
And then they turn right around
And say "hussinger" instead of "singer".
Why does the Slav in using it where it isn't needed
While learning English have to do it with their g's?
The girl, Higgins!
Go on, go on, go on.
Poor Professor Higgins
Night and day he slaves away
Oh, poor Professor Higgins
All day long on his feet
Up and down until he's numb
Doesn't rest. Doesn't eat
Doesn't touch a crumb
Again Liza. How kind of you to let me come.
No. Kind of you. Kind of you. Kind.
How kind of you to let me come.
No, no, no, kind of you, kind of you. It's like cup of tea.
Kind of you. Cup of tea. Say it, say cup of tea.
Cuppatea.
No, no. A cup of tea.
It's awfully good cake. I wonder where Mrs. Pearce gets it.
First rate: And those strawberry tarts are delicious.
Did you try the pline cake?
Try it again.
Did you try the... Pickering!
Again, Eliza.
Cuppatea.
Oh, no, can't you tell the difference?
Look, put your tongue forward until it squeezes on the top
Of your lower teeth. And then say cup.
Cup. Then say of.
Of.
Then say cup cup cup cup of of of of...
Cup cup cup cup of of of of...
By Jove, Higgins, that was a glorious tea.
Why don't you finish that last strawberry tart?
I couldn't eat another thing. Oh, I couldn't touch it.
Then you'll waste it.
Oh, it won't be wasted. I know somebody who's
lmmensely fond of strawberry tarts.
Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep.
Poor Professor Higgins
On he plods against all odds
Poor Professor Higgins
Nine p.m., ten p.m.
On through midnight every night
One a.m., two a.m., three
Four, five, six marbles.
Now I want you to read this and I want you to enunciate
Every word just as if the marbles were not in your mouth.
"With blackest moss, the flower pots."
"Were thickly crusted, one and all."
Each word, clear as a bell.
With blackest moss the flower pots.
I can't'! I can't!
I say, Higgins, are those pebbles really necessary?
If they were necessary for Demonsthenes they are necessary
For Eliza Doolittle. Go on, Eliza.
Were thickly crusted one and all.
I can't understand a word, not a word.
With blackest moss, the flower pots.
Were thickly crusted, one and all.
Higgins, Perhaps the poem is a little too difficult for the girl.
Why don't you try something simpler like
"The Owl and the Pussycat. Oh, yes, that's a charming one.
Pickering, I can't hear a word the girl is saying!
What's the matter?
I swallowed one.
Oh, it doesn't matter. I've got plenty more.
Open your mouth. One, two...
Quit, Professor Higgins
Hear our plea or payday we will quit
Professor Higgins!
Ay not I O not ow
Pounding, Pounding in our brain
Ay not I O not ow
Don't say rine say rain
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
I can't! I'm so tired! I'm so tired!
For God's sake, Higgins, it must be three o'clock in the morning.
Do be reasonable.
I am always reasonable.
Eliza, if I can go on with a blistering headache, you can.
I got a 'eadache, too.
Oh, here. I know your head aches.
I know you're tired.
I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window.
But think what you're trying to accomplish.
Just think what you're dealing with.
The majesty and grandeur of the English language.
It's the greatest possession we have.
The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men
Are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative
And musical mixtures of sounds.
And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer, Eliza.
And conquer it you will.
Now try it again.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
What was that?
The rain Spain stays mainlyl in the plain.
Again.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
I think she's got it. I think she's got it.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
By George, she's got it. By George, she's got it.
Now once again where does it rain?
On the plain, on the plain.
And where's that soggy plain?
In Spain, in Spain.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Bravo!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire
Hurricanes hardly happen.
How kind of you to let me come
Now once again, where does it rain?
On the plain, on the plain.
And where's that blasted plain?
In Spain, in Spain.
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
Pickering, Pickering. Olay, olay!
We're making fine progress, Pickering. I think the time has come
To try her out.
Are you feeling all right, Mr. Higgins?
Yes, I'm feeling fine, Mrs. Pearce. How are you?
I'm also well, thank you.
Oh, good. Let's test her in public and see how she fares.
Mr. Higgins, I was awakened by a dreadful pounding.
Do you know what it might have been?
Pounding? I didn't hear any pounding. Did you, Pickering?
No.
Well, if this goes on, Mrs. Pearce, you'd better see a doctor.
I know. We'll take her to the races.
The races?
My mother's box at Ascot.
You'll consult your mother first, of course?
Oh, yes, of course.
No, I think best we'd better surprise her.
Let's go to bed.
First thing in the morning we'll go out and we'll buy her a dress.
Now get on with your work, Eliza.
But Mr. Higgins, it's early in the morning.
What better time to work than early in the morning?
Where does one buy a lady's gown?
Whitfly's, of course.
How do you know that?
Common knowledge.
Let's not buy her anything too flowery.
I despise those gowns with sort of weeds here and weeds there.
We'll buy something sort of simple and modest and elegant.
That's what's called for.
Perhaps with a bow. Yes, I think that's just right.
You've all been working much too hard.
I think the strain is beginning
To show. Eliza, I don't care what Mr. Higgins says,
You must put down your books and go to bed.
Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed
My head's too light to try to set it down
Sleep! Sleep! I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!
It's after three now
Don't you agree now?
She ought to be in bed!
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!
I understand, dear. It's all been grand, dear.
But now it's time to sleep.
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I've never done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!
Every duke and earl and peer is here.
Every one who should be here is here.
What a smashing, positively dashing
Spectacle, the Ascot opening day.
At the gate are all the horses
Waiting for the cue to fly away.
What a gripping, absolutely ripping
Moment at the Ascot opening day.
Pulses
Rushing
Faces
Flushing
Heartbeats
Speed up
I have never been so keyed up!
Any second now they'll begin to run.
Hark! A bell is ringing they are springing forward, look!
It has begun.
What a frenzied moment that was.
Didn't they maintain an exhausting pace?
it was a thrilling, absolutely chilling.
Running of the Ascot opening race!